In the quiet night

In the quiet night – Bright a gleam on the front of my bed, doubt there is a frost on the ground? Lifting up and looking at the glorious moon. Sinking back again and think of my homeland. (Li Bai , the genius Chinese poet)

 

Home, just few blocks away, but there is no way home. Can the shinning moon illuminate their broken hearts, purify their grief, let them sleep well?

 

Abigail is the coordinator in this children's home. I just made this interview with her and the volunteer Michelle who came from Germany. This special child’s home is named Yolia Ninas de la calle A.C (YN). The residential area is small but there is a large playground in the middle, which looks like an elementary school. Although there are only 22 girls living here, YN provides free tutoring services for all of them. YN is small and with tight budget, which enable them to access their webpage, leaflets as similar as the other children’s home. Thanks to my Mexican friend who introduced Michelle and gave me the chance for  this interview.

 

There are two psychiatrists working here, which made this children’s home special. Abigail told me most of the kids here are not orphans, but come from families with various problems. They have suffered varying degrees of trauma. The psychiatrists are counseling both the kids and their family. Abigail explained the operating of this home, here is the highlights:

 

1) Without any support from the government (Applying, but the process is very complicated and need times);

2) No stable patron and suppliers (This home could close at any time because of this reason) ;

3) The expenses for each child is approximately USD 110 a month;

4) It helps to arrange different kinds of community service for the kids to participate. The aim is to let them to learn that “It is more bless to give than to receive”;

5) This home is  operated by five staffs plus few volunteers.

 

Abigail said the goal is to let them have an happy childhood as a normal kid would ,provide them with a better environment and care from their trauma to live happily! She hopes to receive more children in the future, including boys if they can find stable sponsorship.

 

When I asked about the most pressing needs, she said there is a plumbing emergency and they need to replace all beds and mattresses: the existing has been used for 15 years.

According to psychology studies, childhood experiences help shaped personality. Whether a child would have an optimistic personality after grown up highly depends on the childhood experiences. It's because personality already been shaped after adolescent. That’s the reason why YN provides proper psychology counseling for those kids with mental disorders, like a bright moon illuminating their broken minds. YN will take care of them until their psychological and familial situation improved. Unfortunately, most of them stay here for many years.

 

Trauma is terrible, especially for the kid. You can imagine those kids fear every night, haunted with nightmare! We must do something to let them sleep well.

床前明月光 - 給她們好好睡覺

床前明月光 疑是地上霜 舉頭望明月 低頭思故鄉 - 《靜夜思》李白。
家，就在幾條街遠的地方；但家，能想而不能歸；床前的明月能否照亮她們創傷的心靈，讓她們洗掉悲痛，好好睡覺？

 

亞比姬是這所兒童之家的聯絡人，這次探訪為了不想影響孩子們，我全程就只和她作交流。由於她只會說西班牙語，我們各自也有一名德國藉的翻譯員。

 

這所只收容22名女孩的兒童院很特別，院舍面積雖然不大，但中間有個大操場，感覺像是一所小學，除了是兒童院外，院舍免費幫助住在這社區的小孩補習功課。這所細小的兒童院沒有網頁，也沒有宣傳單張，能夠探訪也全靠朋友介紹這位在德國過來做義工的Michelle米雪小姐，她是唯一會說一點英語的人。在過程中，我剛好帶同德國同學美莉亞小姐，所以整個過程以三種語言交流：亞比姬 (西班牙語) →米雪 (翻譯成德語) → 美莉亞 (翻譯成英語) → 我 (英語) →美莉亞 (翻譯成德語) → 米雪 (翻譯成西班牙語) →亞比姬，循環再循環。

 

這院舍特別之處是因為有兩名心理醫生，當我問及原因時，亞比姬道：“她們不是孤兒，但全部也是來自問題家庭，她們的心靈都帶著不同程度的創傷。” 她還說：“我們不只會對孩子們作心理輔導，對象還包括她們的家人。” 在訪問過程中，亞比姬還詳細地講解院舍的運作，以下是一些重點：

 

1)     還沒得到政府資助 (在申請中，但手續非常繁複，是漫長的等待) ;
2)     沒有穩定的贊助人 / 商 (院舍會因此而隨時關閉);
3)     每名小孩的生活費約 110美元一個月;
4)     會帶小孩參與社區服務，目的是要她們學會施比受更有福的道理;
5)     工作人員有5名，另外有多名義工協助。

 

除了以上的基本資料外，讓我最深刻的是當我問到辦這院舍的目的時。亞比姬先作了一個深呼吸然後說：“我們希望她們都能過正常的生活，有吃、有穿、有潔淨的環境、有受教育的機會、得到關懷及脫離創傷，就像和普通孩子一樣可以過一個正常及快樂的童年！”亞比姬說如果院舍能有穩定的贊助，她希望可以收容更多小孩，包括男孩。這樣就讓更多小孩能受惠，因為求助的家庭實在太多，可惜是資源有限。

 

當我問及院舍現時最迫切的需要，她說有一條水管要緊急修理，另外就是換掉所有的床及床褥。我望了她一眼，她說：“這些都用了15年。”

 

心理學說確認了人可以藉著幼年的經歷推算出成長後的性格特征。對小孩來說，他們長大後能否擁有積極樂觀的性格，很大程度就是取決於兒時的經歷，因為一般人的心理發展在成年以後就不再改變。Yolia Ninas這所兒童院明白到這個重要性，所以為這些有心理障礙的兒童給予他們適當的心理輔導，就像皎潔的明月照亮她們的心靈。院舍會一直照顧她們直至她們的心理及家庭狀況得到改善，只是大部分小孩已經在院舍住了多了。

 

心靈受創傷是一件非常可怕的事，特別對於小孩來說。各位可以試著閉上眼睛感受一下這些小孩的內心，每晚在床前看著明月，想的是歸不得的家，想的是心有餘悸的可怕經歷，每晚被夢魘纏繞著！這種痛苦，我們可以視而不見嗎？我們是否應該出一點力去讓她們能好好睡覺。

 

The value of life?

There were 3 kids on wheelchairs in the living room of house No. 5 suffering polio. They were groaning when I stepped into the room. Those painful sound reached my heart immediately. Were those painful groaning expressing welcome or aspirations? I really had no clue. I couldn’t face them, I didn’t greet or even said “Hallo”, as I was afraid and didn’t know how to respond in a properly way. I was afraid the tears I was holding would pour without control ......

 

Most of the kids here have different degree of disabilities. There are 10 independent houses, each house has a “Mother”, each must take care of 8-10 kids. Mr. David is a coordinator and contact person in this children's home, he speaks fluent English.  David introduced all the details about this home. Aldeas Infantiles SOS México is an charity organization, established a number of children’s homes all over Mexico, hosting a total of 2000 boys and girls, most of them physically handicapped. Each children's home operates independently, the one here in Tuxtla is mainly supported by the Mexico's largest group of convenience store “OXXO”. The expenses for each child is around 80USD per month, yet most of the expenses are medical treatment, the little left is for food and daily necessities.Most of the children don’t attend school, several volunteers teach them in various ways and the purpose is to improve their knowledge and self-care ability. There is a physical therapy room for the physical treatment to all paralyzed kids.

 

I got permission to visit this children's home under the condition of not taking any photos.

 

Each independent house has a "mother" who takes care of all children. The duty of “mother” is really tough: she needs to take care of house work, buy foods and daily necessities, attend to the kids need and so on. The responsibility and workload of the mother is staggering. There were 3 kids on wheelchairs in the living room of house No. 5 suffering polio. They were mourning when I stepped in the room. Those painful sound directly through my eardrum and reach my heart immediately. Those painful mourns define welcoming or aspirations? I really had no clue. I couldn’t face them, no greeted and even said “Halo” as I was afraid and didn’t know what could be respond in a properly way , I was afraid the tears I endured would pouring without control. I went to the kitchen directly and greeted the mother who was busy with cleaning. David said: “you can ask any questions if you want, I’ll be your translator.” I was afraid to say something wrong, so I preferred to ask just few simple questions. After a while, I had an request to take a picture with her, she agreed. I didn’t notice that there was a kid approaching very slowly while my friend took the picture. He was a 12 or 13 years old boy, with polio. He couldn’t speak but was able to move his body. He looked at me and gave me a lovely smile. At that moment, I forgot to shake his hand and give him a hug. I was such completely clumsy and did not respond. I feel ashamed now.

I asked David a question, which I think is ridiculous after we left house no. 5: "How long they will stay in this house? Will you help them to find a job?" David sigh and said: "It's very difficult! There is a paralyzed child who is already 28 years old, how can we help him to find a job? The only thing we can do is take a good care of him as best as we can. Besides that, here in Tuxtla seems there is no chance for them to be able to work! “ I felt sad after I heard that and asked: “Why? What’s the purpose?” David responded: " They have their rights to live, we try our best to provide the best possible environments for them."

 

I kept thinking during my way back to my friend’s home. “What is the value of their life?”. I remembered a letter sent to the Hong Kong Chief Executive Mr. Tung in 2004 by Ban-chai, who is paralyzed. He used a chopstick in his mouth to type the letter. He was seeking euthanasia. He wrote: "Every day, 24 hours I am lying on my bed. I need somebody to feed, clean, toileting and move my body. I’m living in a solitude, loneliness, frustration and agony life. I’m a burden to my family whether in economic and spiritual due to my condition ..... " Yes, he’s telling the truth, but he didn’t choose euthanasia finally. He became an excellent writer and his book encourages lots of people! The reason why he changed his mind and fulfilled his dream was that he didn’t feel alone anymore. He received a power for living and this power is “Care”!

 

Perhaps their value is to remind us to care about anyone in the world, especially them. Perhaps, their value is reminding us to be positive and face any adversity. Perhaps, there will be another “Ban-chai” who can receive more care from us. Perhaps, there will be another Hawking who will change astronomy’s history once again. The blessing in our life is to be alive, let’s make the worlds better and beautiful!

生命何價 ?

生命何價 ?

 

進入了五號房子，只見到三張輪椅，坐在輪椅上都是患有小兒麻痺症的小孩，當他們看到我時都不約而同地發出讓人心酸的哀嗚……這種哀嗚就像是痛苦的呻吟聲，直接穿透了耳膜到達我的心房！他們是在歡迎我？討厭我的到訪？還是有所訴求？我真的分不清！愚笨的我不敢正視他們，更没有上前和他們打招呼，因為此情此景我完全不知道該怎樣應對，因為我怕忍著的淚水會失控地湧出來……

 

這所兒童之家都是接收殘障的小孩，有大約十個房子，每一個房子也住了 8到10 名小孩，每所獨立的房子都有一位 "媽媽" 照顧他們。大衞先生是兒童院的聯絡人，他的英語非常流利，他把兒童院的運作詳細地給我講解， Aldeas Infantiles SOS México是一個慈善組織，在墨西哥多個城鎮也有設立兒童之家，總共有 2000名男童及女童，大部份都是身體有缺陷。而每所兒童院也是獨立運作，在 Tuxtla的這一家主要是得到墨西哥最大的連鎖便利店 OXXO贊助，但每名小孩每月的生活費也只有約 80美元，由於殘障的原因，這些錢也花了不少在醫療用途上，餘下的小部分就是購買食物及日用品，所以孩子所得到並不多。

 

大衞先生准許我參觀兒童之家，一路上他也作嚮導，也容許我拍照，條件是不能拍攝孩子們的样貌，我當然尊重這規定。大部分孩子也没條件上學，院舍内有數名義工用各種方式去教育他們。其中一所房子是物理治療室，目的是幫助癱瘓孩子舒緩他們的根骨骼。

 

獨立房子的每一位 "媽媽" 都是一個人照顧所有孩子，她要煮飯，給孩子洗澡及如廁、打掃、管衛生等等繁複的家作，就算是買食物也是由媽媽負責，工作量大得驚人。大衛讓我進入了五號房子，只見到三張輪椅，坐在輪椅上都是患有小兒麻痺症的小孩，當他們看到我時都不約而同地發出讓人心酸的哀嗚……這種哀嗚就像是痛苦的呻吟聲，直接穿透了耳膜到達我的心房！他們是在歡迎我？討厭我的到訪？還是有所訴求？我真的分不清！愚笨的我不敢正視他們，更没有上前和他們打招呼，因為此情此景我完全不知道該怎樣應對，因為我怕忍著的淚水會失控地湧出來。我直接走到在廚房跟忙碌著的媽媽打招呼，大衛當上我們的翻譯員。由於我怕說錯話，所以都只是問一些簡單的問題。最後，我突然很想和媽媽來一張合照。當朋友舉起相機為我拍照時，一位小孩從睡房走出來，我是拍完照後才發現他已經站在我身傍。小孩的年紀約十二、三歲，可以慢慢地走路，縱使手腳不靈活，也不能說話，但重要的是他給了我一個甜甜的大笑容，讓人感到欣慰的笑容。當時，我忘記了和他握手，當時，我更忘記了給他一個擁抱，當時，我的應變能力完全失蹤了。現在，我感到慚愧！

 

離開五號房子，我問了大衛一個自已也覺得莫名奇妙的問題：“孩子們會在這裡住多久，日後會幫助他們找工作嗎？”大衛嘆了一口氣，道：“很難！有一個孩子今年已經 28歲，全身癱瘓，怎樣找工作給他？我們會一直照顧他。一些有活動能力的，我們就盡能力教他們學會自理能力，只是在這地方他們是很難得到工作的！” 我心裡感到難過！然後問了一句：“這樣做，目的為了什麼？” 大衛說：“盡能力讓他們有好一點的生活，他們也有生存的權利。”

 

回程時我不停思索一個問題，他們的生存價值是什麼？我想起了 2004年寫信給當時的特首董建華尋求安樂死的斌仔，他在信中寫道：「每日活在孤獨、寂寞、無奈、痛苦當中。 每天24 小時我都是臥在病床上，所有飲食、大小便、清潔、轉身、睡覺，全都是假手於人，做每一件事都需要別人的幫忙，我可說是不折不扣的廢人一個。全身癱瘓的我，無論在經濟或精神上都是家人的負累 …..」是的，他在信中道出的是事實，但最後斌仔沒有選擇安樂死。他決定要成為一位積極的作家，他做到了！原因是他不再孤獨，他得到了很多人的關懷。

 

也許，他們的生存價值就是為了提醒我們要給予愛與關懷給世上每一個人，特別是他們。也許，他們的生存價值就是要讓人明白無論現況、處境怎樣差也要積極樂觀去面對。也許，只要他們得到更多關愛，將來就會出現更多優秀的斌仔，甚至出現如改變天文學歷使的霍金先生。事實是能活著就是福氣，因為活著多好！